At this point, you might be wondering why you need to add another item to your already overwhelming list. I mean, shouldn’t therapy be spontaneous? I just want to talk, my therapist says something profound and voila, I’m a changed person! However,  unlike the scripted, well-articulated versions of what popular TV shows depict, there is a process behind therapy. Goal-setting is one of them.

Many individuals seek therapy to address challenges that cause feelings of dissatisfaction, disturbance, or distress in their lives. In the end, the desired goal is to feel better. However, if life feels chaotic, not having therapy goals can make things confusing and worse.

So why consider goals? Goals can help provide direction for where you want to go and how you want to feel at the end of therapy. Therapy has an end-point and knowing when it’s time to end or take a break from therapy is important.

Goals also help clarify what is important to you, increasing your motivation to stay the course. Therapy is hard and there will be uncomfortable changes ahead of your journey. It may require setting up boundaries, grieving, exposing yourself to new and uncomfortable situations, or processing trauma. It’s helpful to know why you are making the changes that brought you to therapy in the first place.

• • Learning how to communicate effectively for your needs.

• • Processing unresolved trauma that you suspect may be impacting your ability to develop healthy relationships, concentrate on tasks, or take appropriate risks that move you towards your desired goals.

• • Processing the loss of a loved one including pets. This can also include processing loss of employment, divorce, separation from parents children or significant friendships.

• • Coping with life transitions such as starting a new job, leaving employment, retirement, relocating to a new place, getting married or becoming a parent

• • Developing effective coping skills to deal with stress, anxiety or difficult emotions. Other areas of skill development include problem-solving skills, decision making skills or planning skills.

Keep in mind that unless you have common goals with your partner or family members, you can only set goals for yourself. If the intention is to change someone else’s behaviour, the results will be disappointing. It is important to recognize what is and is out of your control.

With these in mind, here are a few tips to consider when setting goals.

While all the goals on your list might be important to you, too many goals may distract from the bigger picture. In addition, it might feel too overwhelming to start and may lead to procrastination. If you have a long list of goals, start by:

• • Identifying the three most important goals and rank them in order of importance.

• • For each goal, examine where you are currently so that you can know where you are starting from. What are areas that you feel stuck in? What is keeping you stuck?

• • With each goal, examine what you’ve tried in the past, what you have achieved so far, and what steps you need to take to move towards your desired goal.

• • Sometimes it helps to use a 0-10 scale to determine how close or far you are from your goal.

Once you have identified your goals, discuss with your therapist what options are available to help you attain your goals. This also gives your therapist an opportunity to discuss what they can and cannot provide. For instance, if you both conclude that you might benefit from body-based therapies to work through residual trauma, your therapist might suggest several recommendations to help you reach your goal. 

During the process of setting goals, your therapist might suggest some other additional goals that might not align with what you are looking for at the moment. As an expert on your life, this is an opportunity to give feedback and verbalize what’s important to you.

One of the ways to keep yourself motivated is to take the time to reflect on victories made each day. Change is hard and uncomfortable and requires conscious effort. During difficult days, it is easy to dismiss any progress made. Reflecting allows you to stay the course even beyond therapy. Additionally, it helps you and your therapist monitor current effective strategies and make any revisions to plans.

Despite aspirations to move towards your goals, life comes with unexpected turns. At moments of crisis or transition, putting your goals on hold may be required to address current challenges. In other instances, if you find your goals changing frequently, you might want to re-examine the purpose and function of your current goals and prepare for a reset.

While having goals can be motivating, taking action towards change can be hard and sometimes scary. At such moments, it can be helpful to explore how you are experiencing the process of change.

It’s important to keep in mind that we may not always achieve our goals. Even though your goals may have been ideal, we cannot control the outcome of events. Therefore, it may be helpful to reflect on what skills, insights, or opportunities were gained during the process and prepare to change course.

Until next time,

Z